So basically just to fill you guys in, I just graduated high school this past year and was slated to study political science at Ottawa University. To say the experience was a disaster is an understatement :P. Essentially I ended up crashing and burning, and by early October I found myself out of school and work. After a brief stint of earning some money playing poker online I elected to return to my minimum wage job I had during high school and bide my time. Almost six months later and I'm in pretty much the same boat.
As depressing as my current situation may sound I've actually found it to be incredibly beneficial. I've taken the time to step back and take a long critical look at the man that I'm becoming. The truth is the reason I dropped out of University stem's from my deep rooted fear of failure. My entire life I've avoided disapointing myself and others by throwing in the towl before I fall short. I took the coward's way out, plain and simple. Admitting a fundamental weakness in my character wasn't easy, but in retrospect I'm glad that I've been honest with myself. I feel like in order to make a truly positive impact on the world I must first find an inner harmony, and shedding self delusion is the first step.
If this sounds like some new age granola bull shit I have to apologize, but its a little tricky vocalizing the essence of the thought. I wanted to avoid using this cliche, but I am in desperate need of some soul searching. That is why on May 1st of this year I will be embarking on a cross country back packing trip. I do not know how long I will be gone, or if I will take a second shot at University this coming fall. What I do know is that during the summer months this great nation will be my classroom and I look forward to learning from the experience. Abandoning all of the comforts of the suburbs is terrifying, but I once heard an interesting quote which I feel applies to my situation. "Nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within than a man with a secure future." I don't think I've ever really tuned in to my adventurous spirit within so I'll keep my fingers crossed on that one :). I'll be blogging whenever I can about my preparations leading up to the trip, and I'll see what I can do while I'm actually on the road.